Operation: Life

Archive for the ‘Fielding’ Category

One thing came blazing to the forefront of my consciousness last night… I am tired. Just plain ol’ tired.

I’ve been in school every year of my life since I was 5 years old. And since I began my doctoral program at Fielding Graduate University 3 years ago, I have not had a single week “off.” I need a break. I need a rest. So does my mind.

And yet I find myself in a typical graduate student position. Behind a major deadline that is quickly approaching and profoundly serious. I have two important courses that must be finished. By the end of the month. According to my calculations, that gives me roughly 2 weeks. For those of you I don’t know personally, I also work full-time and I’m finishing the last details & plans for my wedding in October. I’ve handled this fairly well so far, if I do say so myself. Because I’ve had amazing sources of support and I’ve tried to manage my time as efficiently as possible.

But I know individuals who have juggled full-time work (of a much grander scale than my current occupation) AND a family AND graduate school. I have the utmost respect for these individuals. I’ve often wonder how these incredible people do it all? I have moments where I don’t know how I do it myself. How? Perseverance.

Perseverance and hope. Two concepts that I value nearly as highly as Love and Faith. And all of which are necessary to accomplish all that life throws at us. At least that’s my take on things. And quite honestly, I think they are all required (on some level) in order to obtain anything of true worth. Quality education. Marriage. Career. Family. Friends. Spirituality. Peace. Success. etc.

Am I overwhelmed a lot of the time? Yes. Do I want to quit sometimes? Of course. Do I sometimes wish I was 5 years old again? Almost weekly.

But I truly believe my studies are going to make a difference. I am going to help change the world in a positive way. And I hope that someone will see that in me. Because I won’t stop until it comes true.

I think as long as there is a light at the end of the tunnel (no matter how tiny or far away), there is reason to continue. Thus… I continue to push forward. No matter how tired/broken/exhausted/frustrated/disenchanted I may feel from time to time. Because, in the end, it’s worth it.

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This post was originally intended to praise the blog/website of Operation Beautiful, but has evolved into more (shocking, I know).

It’s a website run by a woman my age (actually local to Orlando even) and it’s all about positive messages to women to remind them that they are beautiful. Her “mission” is to leave little messages of positive thinking in random places. On post-its, mirrors, bulletin boards, etc.

I, for one, think this is fabulous. In a world where size 6 is considered “fat” by the glamorous media kings and queens (who have time & money for personal trainers), I think it’s important to remind each other that “we are beautiful” just the way we are, both men & women. This is not to condone unhealthy living, obviously. But it pains me to see women who are a good size for their build being depressed or starving because they see the “double-zero” sizes at stores like Abercrombie + Fitch.

I confess I have given in partially to this pressure. I have a faint echo of “chubby bride in wedding dress” in the back of my mind. haha. I recently started the infamous P90X program that nearly everyone in America has seen on tv at some point. I have enjoyed it actually because it is focused more on toning & health than weight loss. I’m not trying to get down to any certain number of any kind. But just trying to tone up and get in shape and stay healthy.

In other areas of life, the policies at my school are changing. I honestly don’t see them as good or bad. I see them as neutral with potentials for good or bad. I admit that a little more structure was probably necessary, and these changes can be for the better but only if everyone responds accordingly (professors & students alike). These new changes will also force me to discipline myself more, I believe. Not that I’m completely reckless with my time or efforts. But I admit with work, school, life, and wedding planning… I am probably a little more scattered than I would ideally like to be.

My “operation” will be motivation. To be more positive about myself. To work hard. To follow through. To live life to the fullest. To take things one at a time. To remember to breathe. To smile even on rainy days. To strive for “better-ness” every day.

I promise this will be a short post. Unlike my last one. haha.

I finished my script for Assignment #1. Which means shortly I will be making my media piece about our wedding planning.

I had to revise it after my first submission, but I feel much better about it than I did before anyway. I was happy to get feedback and see where to improve it.

Not that it will be a film festival winner or anything close to perfect, but after revising my script I realized that the problem with it was that I had focused too much on the end and not about the process. The process was the interesting part. “Focusing too much on the end” is a problem I seem to have from time to time… but that’s another story for another day. I promised this would be short. ;)

Once I fixed that problem with my script, it was much better.

Stay tuned for my media piece!

I’m happy to be back in Florida but (as always) I was glad to be able to attend session. It’s always good for a morale boost/kick in the academic-butt. And it’s always great to catch up with friends and faculty.

I’m excited and curious to see what this course (767) will teach me/develop in me. It definitely involves work that gets me out of my “box” (which lately seems to be filled with nothing but research, reading and paper writing).  Making a piece of media (other than the typical powerpoint presentation) is not something I have ever done, but something (especially in this field) that I need to be able to do.

One thing Jason said that I need to remind myself was, “don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” I know I can be a perfectionist and therefore I am highly critical of my work, no matter what it is. This doesn’t go to say that I should not try my best and produce quality work, but if my work isn’t “ground-breaking-change-history” kind of work, it’s okay. I suppose, overall, I never expected my work/my (eventual) career to change the course of history. I just want it to be meaningful. If my work is meaningful and purposeful and important to me or anyone else… I will be satisfied.