Operation: Life

Archive for August 2010

One thing came blazing to the forefront of my consciousness last night… I am tired. Just plain ol’ tired.

I’ve been in school every year of my life since I was 5 years old. And since I began my doctoral program at Fielding Graduate University 3 years ago, I have not had a single week “off.” I need a break. I need a rest. So does my mind.

And yet I find myself in a typical graduate student position. Behind a major deadline that is quickly approaching and profoundly serious. I have two important courses that must be finished. By the end of the month. According to my calculations, that gives me roughly 2 weeks. For those of you I don’t know personally, I also work full-time and I’m finishing the last details & plans for my wedding in October. I’ve handled this fairly well so far, if I do say so myself. Because I’ve had amazing sources of support and I’ve tried to manage my time as efficiently as possible.

But I know individuals who have juggled full-time work (of a much grander scale than my current occupation) AND a family AND graduate school. I have the utmost respect for these individuals. I’ve often wonder how these incredible people do it all? I have moments where I don’t know how I do it myself. How? Perseverance.

Perseverance and hope. Two concepts that I value nearly as highly as Love and Faith. And all of which are necessary to accomplish all that life throws at us. At least that’s my take on things. And quite honestly, I think they are all required (on some level) in order to obtain anything of true worth. Quality education. Marriage. Career. Family. Friends. Spirituality. Peace. Success. etc.

Am I overwhelmed a lot of the time? Yes. Do I want to quit sometimes? Of course. Do I sometimes wish I was 5 years old again? Almost weekly.

But I truly believe my studies are going to make a difference. I am going to help change the world in a positive way. And I hope that someone will see that in me. Because I won’t stop until it comes true.

I think as long as there is a light at the end of the tunnel (no matter how tiny or far away), there is reason to continue. Thus… I continue to push forward. No matter how tired/broken/exhausted/frustrated/disenchanted I may feel from time to time. Because, in the end, it’s worth it.