Operation: Life

Archive for June 2010

On a positive note, at least it’s not Monday anymore. haha. :)

On a less positive note, I find myself stressed and at times melancholy lately. Most would say I have every right to be stressed- working, studying and finishing plans for a wedding in October. But honestly, most of that makes me content, happy and thankful. I’m marrying the love of my life in October after almost 4.5 years together. I finished my Master’s and look forward to working on my doctorate & the day I can say, “I’m done.” And while work is usually NOT my favorite place to be (haha), I am thankful to have a job that pays the bills.

Where is my stress, you ask? I can honestly say I’m not totally sure. Which (for me) may only add to my stress. haha. I’m the type that feels the need to “figure everything out.” So to NOT know the exact source of my stress is troubling to me. I just know I have this feeling.

How do I deal with it? Prayer. Patience. Trust. Focusing on the good things especially hard.

Oh, and songs with sad lyrics. haha. :) “Sad” songs have always been a love of mine. The slow mellow melody and soft but soulful instruments combined with low and breathy vocals. It all speaks to me. Even on days when I’m in a good mood. I just love them. Not because the lyrics necessarily apply to how I feel. I just love the deep emotion you can almost palpably feel in the singer’s voice.

The following are a few of my favorites: (2nd disclaimer: None of these lyrics are meant to “mean” anything to my life or anyone else’s. They are not meant to be a “signal.” They’re just beautiful.)

“Ooh Oh” by Keri Noble

“Gravity (Stripped Version)” by Sara Bareilles

“The Mess I Made” by Parachute

“Where I Stood” by Missy Higgins

“Broken Bridge” by Daughter Darling

There must be some Media Psych dissertation in there somewhere. haha. Because I know I’m not the only person who loves to listen to a great sad song on a sunny day. :)

What do you think of sad songs? Do you have any favorites?


I’ve seen commercials for a new show called “Huge” on ABCFamily.

Some writers have called it “refreshing.” Others call it “sobering.”

I call it good intentioned. But we all know what that can lead to.

From my brief understanding (through commercials only) of this show, it’s about overweight teens at a “fat camp.” That’s pretty much all I know from the short tv ads, but the one statement stuck with me and bothers me… regarding losing weight, the main character says, “Why should I?”

This bothers me not because she should be 100 lbs, a size 00 or anything ridiculous like that. People are meant to be different shapes and sizes. Some factors cannot be avoided and some will never change. That’s not my point. It bothers me because that is NOT a healthy message to send kids and teens, who will likely be the largest audience of this show.

Why should you lose weight if you’re an overweight child or teen? Because it’s NOT HEALTHY to stay overweight that early on. Being overweight can lead to so many serious health problems. THAT’s why. Not because “skinny is cool” or because everyone should look like a model. But because of diabetes. joint problems. heart disease. high blood pressure. etc.

Before anyone crucifies me for my criticism of this show, I have not seen it yet. I would hope the creators would have a healthy goal in mind. In some ways, I think the show is good (hence my conclusion of “good intentioned”). I don’t think barbie-shaped characters with varying levels of plastic surgery should be the only “role models” on tv for young people. I think it’s important for teens of all sizes to realize they have worth and are loved by those around them…. however…. those who love them should care enough to want them to be healthy. And encourage them to do so.

I was not always healthy. I was overweight for most of my childhood and into high school. It was not until college that I began watching what I ate and exercising when I had the opportunity.  Now that my wedding is quickly approaching, I’m more conscious of my physical appearance than ever.

Does that mean I’m unhappy? No. It just means I’ve been more mindful of what food I put in my body (portions, snacks, etc.) and I’m more active (I try to workout 5-6 times a week. try.). Does this mean I’m super skinny? No. I’m “skinnier” than I have been in a long time but I’m no size 2. Does this mean I’m perfect? Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Do I feel better? A resounding YES. I’m no medical professional, but I’ve been sick less. My migraines have decreased. I’m at a healthier weight for my height. I have more confidence. I’m stronger and can exercise better (cardio-endurance-wise and range-wise) than I ever was or could before.

Conclusion: I will support ABC Family’s new show… IF. and only if. their overall message is healthy. Yes, all children should have self-esteem and confidence. But no one needs to sacrifice his or her health to do so.

It’s become blatantly obvious to me that adults can often be worse than children when it comes to being selfish and immature. Sure, most adults won’t pitch a fit if someone eats their cookie. But it seems adults are worse when it comes to bigger issues. SOME adults.

Yes, this post originated from personal experience & a need to vent. But isn’t that the real purpose of a blog anyway? And no, I don’t expect people to care. But it feels good to “say” these things out loud even if just to the empty internet abyss.

It’s true when they say that all kinds of complications arise when you are planning a wedding. Thankfully, these have actually been at a minimum for us.

But a couple parties have been immature, selfish and bitter. Unnecessarily, if you ask me. Let’s just say A & B do not get along. They are in-laws to one another & close relatives to my fiance. There was a falling out years ago & they haven’t spoken since. No one, including A&B, remember exactly what happened. They just know they don’t like one another. Because A will be at the wedding, B will not attend. Because B will not attend, my fiance’s last living grandparent will not be there. This is very disappointing to my fiance.

If that was confusing or sounded like an algebra problem, I apologize. Not that any of the aforementioned parties read my blog, but I wanted to be as discrete as possible anyway.

Regardless of the details, I think you get what I’m trying to say. Grown-ups are acting worse than children because they won’t put aside differences for ONE.day. A day that is bigger and more important than their stupid fight. I wouldn’t expect them to change or reconcile at the wedding, and obviously we all know better than to sit them together. But I do NOT, for the life of me, understand why adults cannot go beyond themselves for ONE day and celebrate something special that everyone is happy about.

I wish I could say the following, in no particular order:

  • Stop being selfish.
  • Realize that you are hurting people you love & who love you just to make sure 1 single person knows you still don’t like him/her.
  • Keep your bitter thoughts bottled up for 4 hours. Scowl in your chair if you must.
  • Get over yourself.
  • Understand that our wedding is not about you.
  • Our wedding was not designed as your opportunity to slight someone else.
  • Even a 5 year old can do those things from time to time. Maybe you can pretend you’re 6.


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